Weigh in 50

You ever wonder why you feel a certain way about something? Or why certain things make you react a particular way?

I do, too.

For example, as I was leaving the neighborhood this morning, I stopped for the school bus that was picking up kids. It was sitting just inside the entrance to the neighborhood with it's sign out and red lights flashing. I pulled to a stop facing it in the pre-dawn light.

One little girl (2nd grade, maybe) was running towards it with a huge backpack on. I watched as she got to the bus and climbed on board. Then I sat looking at the bus.

And it sat there looking at me. Red lights flashing. Doors closed. Just sitting there. I was across an intersection from it waiting for the lights to go off and for it to go ahead. Just sitting there.

As the seconds tick by, I started wondering what was up with the bus. The red lights are flashing. The doors are closed. No kids in sight. What's up?

I think I hear something so I turn the radio down. Was that a horn blowing? Don't see any other cars around. Is it the bus? I peer through the gloom but can't make out the bus driver. Is he honking at me? Does he want me to go ahead? But the lights are still red....

Then the lights go off and the bus pulls slowly forward. I start moving and passing the bus. I glance up and see the bus driver is very animated. He's pointing at me and, as far as I can tell, yelling at me.

What?!?! I didn't do anything wrong. The lights were flashing! Why are you yelling at me? You are the one in the wrong Mr Bus Driver!

So, for the next few minutes of my drive, I kept going over why I was right. Then I started wondering "Why does this bother me so much?" Seriously, why was I so worried about whether I was right or not?

I mean, it really bothered me to think that some person that I don't even know accused me of not doing something he thought I should have done. What is that? It doesn't make any sense when I looked at it like that.

I still don't really know the root cause of the feeling (am I really that neurotic?) but I do know it happens more often than I admit or am even aware of at the time.

Ultimately, it is an identity issue, I believe. Craving the approval of other people that much reveals the struggle to really believe that I am the person God says I am instead of the person that other people, or even I, say that I am.

I'm believing a lie. I don't like that. And I don't have to accept it.

If all I am is what the lies say I am then why in the world did the King and Savior of all die on a cross for me? If Jesus chose to pay for my sins, then I must be more than what the world tells me.

I'm not saying that I am, in any way, worth the price paid for me. But that price was paid. Christ chose to die for me. And I'm thinking that fact, in and of itself, gives a whole lot more validity to my identity from God than from the world.

I just want to go through each day remembering and believing that. But I struggle with it a lot.

Any body got any words of advice or encouragement on this topic?

On to the numbers.... I went to the scales this morning with the thought of no changes for 3 weeks on my mind. So I stepped up and the scale showed me:

229.5

A pound and a half for the week. I'll take it!

And, a small reminder, I'm still looking for some partners to pledge donations to Love146.org so we can get the matching funds. The current pledge amount still stands at $155. If we get to $210, we get $210 in matching funds. If we get all the way to $420, we get the $210 PLUS another $210 in matching funds. That would double the pledges to $840...

So, if you can spare a few dollars, Love146.org can really put them to good use.

Photo credit to Shermeee.