Weigh In 41

I haven't talked to much about the new gig since I started. I've been working for GreenWizard for 2 months now and I'm loving it. It's amazing how much different a technology startup is from just about anything else out there.

There are several differences between this startup and my previous one. But the biggest one I've noticed has been, well, me. I'm 10 years older, have 4 kids, and almost feel like a completely different person. Back in 2000, we had been married 2 years (almost to the day) when I started work. Our oldest child was 1 month old (almost to the day). I had just come out of 6 years in the DoD contracting world.

It was a whole lot of changes all at once. It was tough. Stressful. Painful at times. And working around 100 hours a week (no exaggeration) just piled onto all of that.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is a lot of work at GreenWizard. We aren't pulling the old "banker's hours" by any means. But it is different. 12 years of marriage is way different than 2 years. Being parents for almost 10 years is a different ballgame from 1 month. And having almost 20 years experience in my profession is a lot different than about 7 years.

But when it comes right down to it, the biggest singular difference in this startup experience for me isn't really based on all that. As I've shared before, I have always struggled with identity. Specifically, I have based my sense of worth on how valuable I can be to other people. The quantity and quality of my work for my employer. The financial care for my family. The leadership for my coworkers and teams. Basically, meeting the expectations (real or perceived) of all the people around me...

In the past several years I've learned where my true identity comes from. It is not that I perform activities to create my identity. Jesus Christ has given me my identity and now my activities flow from that. (sentiment borrowed from Andy Stanley)

What does that mean? It means that Christ loves me. Loved me before I knew Him. Loves me more than I can know. And loves me not because I deserve it or did anything for it but loves me because of who He is.

For a long time I didn't buy into this line of thinking. I didn't feel like I deserved it and basically wouldn't accept that I could be loved like that. Effectively, I was putting myself in charge of the situation and dictating the terms of my relationship with God. How selfish and delusional of me....

But, like I said, it's not up to me. I'm loved by God. Period. It's not up to me. It's not up to what you think of me. It's not based on the value I provide to an employer, my family, my neighborhood. Nope.

What I do and the "value" I provide should flow from the identity that God has given me.

In other words, I am not accepted and loved because I do great things. Instead, I can do great things because I am accepted and loved by Jesus.

Whew! That sure does take the pressure off... :-)

Now, on to the weekly weigh in. After my son's trampoline act on the scale, I managed to find the calibration on it and get it set properly again. So, I stepped up Friday morning and....

238.4

That's a few more pounds towards the new goal of 210. And it moves me closer to unlocking the donations for Love146.org. And it means I still need your help to raise the money to get the matching funds. Every little bit helps. We are at $155 of the $420 needed. If you can help out, please let me know via email (seekingafter@scbubba.otherinbox.com), twitter (@scbubba), facebook, or in the comments below.

Thanks in advance for any  help you can provide.

Photo credit to trazomfreak.