Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Weigh In #25

Yesterday I was reading a post from someone I admire, Brody Harper, about people who, in the name of being honest, pretty much blast away at people in electronic forums (like Twitter, Facebook, email, etc). I've been on the receiving end of this before and, as much as it pains me to say it, I've been on the giving end too.

While there is a lot to be said about what might be good and bad about "being honest" (especially in a most anonymous forum or at least one that gives the speaker a big buffer), the part that really got me thinking was this part of the blog entry that Brody wrote for someone who was truly being honest:
I know that I’m supposed to put others before me, but I try not to let that affect the way I Tweet or blog because sitting in my room it’s really about me and what makes me feel good. And that’s just me being honest.

And that go me thinking, why am I blogging? Or on facebook? Or twitter? I've noticed that my involvement on all these forums has dropped off a lot in the past several months. I guess I'm not "really in to it" right now. Hmmm. Maybe.

But then yesterday, I got some clarity on my disengagement. I stepped on the scale Monday morning and I saw the same number as last week:


I filed it away as I went through my morning routine, getting ready for work, etc. When I got ready to plug in the report for the blog post, I couldn't do it.

That's right, I just could not bring myself to report that I had made no progress last week. Even after all that I wrote on my identity, I still succumbed to my "fear of Man" issues.

But then I thought "I have to post something. People (well at least 2 maybe) are expecting me to be accountable here." So I came up with an idea to not post on Monday, weigh on Tues in hopes that it would be a little lower, and then just post Tues and say I forgot to weigh or post or whatever on Monday." Simple, right?

Nope. I had 2 people ask me yesterday afternoon and evening where the post was and how I was doing on the weight loss. I mumbled some reply about looking for the post on Tuesday.

It was nagging my mind pretty bad last night and this morning. I did get on the scale this morning to see if my plan had a shot at working. But for some reason, I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't put myself out here as being honest and then be dishonest. I can't hide the parts I don't like all the time and expect people to know and trust me.

As I pondered this line a little longer, I began seeing the old pattern again. I'm disengaging from interaction with people and communities. Why? I'm not sure but it has something to do with my worry that people I know, admire, love, and respect will look at me and disapprove. Of what I don't really know...

So I come back to what i wrote about last week. I am complete in Christ. Why is this so hard to truly accept? Why is it so daggum tough to get over needing acceptance from people more than I need it from God?

I'd like to ask you, dear readers, for 2 things today:
1) If you are inclined, please add a prayer for me as I struggle with this.

2) If you have words of encouragement or a story you would like to share on the topic, please feel free to leave a comment on this post. You can even do it anonymously if you like.


Photo credit to eskim0j0.


Brody said...

Great post man. Hang in there on the weight loss thing. I don't have any recommendations or advise but there are a couple things that I have seen work that are crazy simple.

1. The 'LoseIt" app for the iphone. Makes you watch everything you eat. Frustrating but awesome.

2. The Biggest Loser Workout DVD's - Beats the gym any day.

I'll check back next week.

Bubba said...

Brody, thanks for the encouragement. I've been using LiveStrong.com to track everything and I will go checkout "LoseIt" too.

Take care, bro.