On Struggling

If you've read some of the previous posts on here this year, you may have come across my discussions of "future me". I got the original inspiration for that from a lot of places, but one of them is a post on procrastination from a blog called "You Are Not So Smart" (YANSS, for short).

A cartoon site called "Formal Sweatpants" did a cartoon derived from that procrastination post from YANSS recently. I think it is brilliant (and here it is....)

It also categorizes the struggle I've had for the last few weeks. Current and Future Me have been duking it out just about every day for several weeks. The two of them struggle with each other and go back and forth over who is right and who should do what.

The end result is that they both lose.

Even though it may seem that Current Me wins the argument, he still loses in that he IS Future Me. Check and mate, sir.

I'm chalking it up to a dog pile of stress that seems to come with this time of year. It's not just one thing - we are a very busy family in general but the end of the school year just seems to stack things right on top of one another.

It's not overwhelming or catastrophic. It's just more. And one of the things that gets stretched the farthest is my resolve/willpower to stick with the eating program and exercise. Excuses are easier to come by and "later" becomes a dumping ground for a lot of those personal decisions.

I don't have an answer or keen insights on this. It just is a thing right now.

So, not only did I miss posting this on Friday but I've all but avoided the scale too. I know the number has got to be up this week but I didn't check it at all. That sucks....

Do you have any of these periods you go through? Leave a comment and let me know what it is or how you typically handle it....

On Being Useful

I've got this hang-up about being useful. Call it codependence or a need for acceptance and validation or some other psych terminology. I'm aware of it and deal with it in some good and some bad ways.

That being said, here are 2 things on being useful that came through my feed recently.

The first is from a pretty well respected blogger/author who has had a long career in software development and made the jump from programmer to technical management. That's the same basi trajectory of my career: Graduate college and get hired to write software. Lead a small team. Lead a bigger team. Run a department. VP of Engineering for a software company.... There is a prevalent concern with folks in that track that they will cease to be "productive" and, therefore, not useful. Here's what Rands says on the matter:

My deep-rooted fear of becoming irrelevant is based on decades of watching those in the tech industry around me doing just that - sitting there busily doing things they’ve convinced themselves are relevant, but are just Faux-things-to-do wrapped in a distracting sense of busy. One day, they look up from their keyboard and honestly ask, “Right, so, what’s Dropbox?”

And then I found this piece written by Oswald Chambers in the daily devotional "My Utmost for His Highest":

The issue is never of being of use to God, but of being of value to God himself. Once we are totally surrendered to God, He will work through us all the time. 

Just a few things to ponder...

Now, "On being Fat...."

Yeah, I'm in a mood today. Guess why....

240.4

That's a half pound gain for the week. And no wonder, the weekends are killing me. I gotta figure out why eating is such an overriding thought for me this time. In 2010, it just wasn't occupying so much of my thoughts but now it's on my mind all the time... Ugh.

Here's the LiveStrong data for Week 9.

Photo credit to contemplative imaging.

The Power of Will

Over the past few weeks I've been frustrated with my ongoing attempts to bring my weight down (again). After a few weeks of no discernable progress, I'm about ready to throw in the towel on this and see what minimal changes I can make and still maintain where I am.

Basically, how can I eat what I want and at least not gain any weight....

Now, I did say "about ready" and not "I'm going to", so don't give up on me yet.

At the root of all this is my desire to eat what I want. And I want food that isn't exactly good for me - cheeseburgers and chili fries for example. But why is that?

For me, I'm finding (again) that this sort of eating seems to give me some sort of comfort/solace/respite. It's harder to deal with "eating right" the more stress or anxiety or fatigue that I have at any given moment.

I know I'm not alone in this behavior and this isn't some deep insight special to me, but I find that I have to remind myself of this time and again. For me, staying on track with eating right (or at least eating better) is an exercise of will power. A series of articles over at one of my new favorite site, Art of Manliness, talks about will power - what it is, how we use it up, and how to conserve/improve it. Check out the articles here:

• Part I - The Force of Greatness
• Part II - How Your Willpower is Depleted
• Part III - How to Strengten Your Willpower and 20 Ways to Conserve It

Thinking about it as something like this (finite and changeable) can help me to plan for the up times and the down times. Knowing what and when the stress or the fatigue are, I can work on preparing for them. And, like building muscle or strength, I can take some deliberate steps to get stronger. Especially around the things that test me the most (think chili fries again...)

More to come on this topic, I'm sure.

As for the weight thing, I finally got the scales to move this week. And, yes, in the direction that I want them to...

241.0

At least it's something. Not much when I look at 1 pound in almost a month. But progress nonetheless.

Here is this week's LiveStrong data: Week 6

That also adds to the tally for Love146 and TWLOHA. $12 each so far. I'm still looking for some other folks to make a pledge for one or both of these fine organizations. Every little bit helps...

Photo credit to The U.S. National Archives