Friday, July 11, 2008

Slogging through the desert

Do you know Sisyphus?

I do. The past few weeks I took over for him so he could get a break.

Seriously though, I've been in a rut.

And, as per my usual behavior, I've tended to make myself comfortable in it. And that's not a good thing. So I started beating myself up for getting comfortable. And that's not a good thing either.

But then tonight, I visited some of my "regular" blogs (Evan and Eddie) and they kick started my brain.

Evan talked about uncertain and alone in a dark place which helped jump start my thinking about my own situations. And then Eddie pointed me to a new blog from Edwin Crozier (which will also be one of my regulars now). In Edwin's blog I was reminded that I'm not as bad as I think I am sometimes.

So, after some soul searching, I decided to talk deeper about it with my wife (quite a wonderful woman, I might add). See, that's important because when things get rough and I start beating my self up, I feel shamed. And when I feel shamed, I go silent. I also want to be alone. A lot. So talking about these deep, dark feelings with anyone is a change from my typical behavior.

She was nice enough to listen and then, without being condescending, remind me that God uses times like this for our benefit, too. We talked about Moses on the back side of the desert and how God used his exile from Egypt to prepare him for the Exodus.

At that moment I realized that not only had I cut myself off from a lot of the people around me but I had also started squeezing God out as well.

Whoa! Time to stop that. I'm headed for some quality time with God. It's time to get serious about active prayer again and stop treating the Bible like a reference book and more like the eternal Word of God.

Anybody want to keep me honest on this?


Anonymous said...

I'm with you bro. I bought a copy of "the message" semi-recently to use at the school with my students. I plan to use it more often myself to kinda re-grab my attention on a lot of scriptures that I have read for so many years... but may need a fresh approach on.
For a while now I have felt like I was at a real cross-roads spiritually and ministry-wise. sometimes it felt more like cross-hairs !! haha.
I look forward to being in the same room together again bro.

Bubba said...

Anthony, thanks for the comment. I've not ever used The Message translation before. Might be worth picking up a copy.

Was reading "Epic" by John Eldredge yesterday and he talks about the story written in our hearts. Of course, the Bible is one of the key pieces of that story. Perhaps re-reading that story in The Message might be that perspective I need.

Stacey said...

Ain't it just amazing how God has put the most wonderful women in our lives as our help-mates?

I'm trying to keep from getting in the rut myself after the trip to HN.

Bless you, Brother!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Bubba,

Thanks for the comment and the link on my blog.

Isolation stinks. I'm glad to hear you're reaching out to connect with your wife, your friends and God. Our biggest attack against Satan is connecting with reality and the relationships God has given us.